So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
