I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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