3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
