Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
