Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
