ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
