i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize
