if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
