Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
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