Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I would ride that face into the sunset
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