Pappa wants mamma naked
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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