It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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