I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Randomize
