that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Be still, my beating vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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