come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
