He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
