hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to jail i love you
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
