i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
