i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
