I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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