Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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