I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
