did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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