Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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