did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
