i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
high people should be assigned attendants
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
