So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
