turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
