yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
