my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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