Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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