Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
