Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
