If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
