No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
