What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
