my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
