ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
