he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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