Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
