wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
