I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
