Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
