The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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