can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
