Sry I called you an 8
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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