i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
