In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
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