I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
