We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wish i was in the wii world.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
