and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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