Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
