he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
